Hey there.
well, this week was a real rollercoaster for me.. You knw, if i were to think back, i've went to through so much in 2009. Some ups, some downs. But, more of downs, i suppose.. And i really can't rate life right now cause doing that would be really discouraging. I started the year with fear.. Not with academics but instead with something that made me feel totally different from any other ordinary person. Trainnings has been really tough recently and still i keep on pushing to my limits, trying to be my best. Why is that? because, every second that passes me seem so precious nowadays during trainning or when i'm having a match. It feels like it'd be my last. I remembered being told i'll have to give this passion of mine up someday. But i didn't expect it to be soon. And i hope not. Sometimes i wonder, what god have in plan for me. This passion of mine is the only thing that makes me feel like myself. In fact, i think it has MADE me. I had an injury. Been out for 3 months and still i'm expected to sit out. But what makes you think i'm willing to do that? Afterall, time waits for no one.. I might not be myself lately. Probably because i'm being put into a really difficult situation. There's maybe tooo much on my mind.. idk. And at a time like this, when you really need a person to talk too. You can't. why? well, there's ppl around but, i can't put myself into those situations and talk about it. Maybe, i'm better of just dealing with such things alone. See that smile on my face? trust me, it's fake. Cause i'm really afraid to see the results in black and white and to eventually accept who i really am in 1 week time. I've done my best for 8 years. They say it takes 6 years to develope an amateur footballer. I've passed that stage. And supposely, my big breakthrough's next year. And watching it all, possibly going down the drain and not being able to do anything about it but watch. Hurts.

you could accept me for who i am or
you could push me away..
But just don't pull me close just to have that
chance to push me away sooner or later.